One day, maybe soon or maybe years from now, you will wake up one morning, and look around and wonder: what is my legacy, what am I leaving behind? That moment will come, no doubt. Because, as Mark Twain said: “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why”.
Caught in the stress of our daily lives, we forget to ask and look for the answers to the big questions. We might learn how to avoid traffic, how to pay our bills, how to get a decent job and how to have a decent life altogether. But what about the rest? Is this all there is to life?
Surviving vs. living
We are all skilled to survive, 99 percent of the population on this planet is very good at surviving. We find the resources to somehow get from one day to another, to overstep the physical and emotional challenges we encounter in life.
But how about actually living? Living with a purpose, finding out WHY have we been put on this planet. Because I truly believe every one of us is here for a purpose. We learn or teach, we empower, or we break people, we help or obstruct, we somehow impact one another.
And here is one crazy thought that scares me: some of us go through life without understanding why and without following our dreams. We find time for facebook, Instagram, TV, friends, family, we find time for anything silly, but we hardly make time for ourselves.
Here is another crazy thought that crossed my mind: if today was the last day of my life, what would I do and what would I leave behind?
About wind and unsettledness
Today I am 32 years old. My life until now was defined by abandonment, broken relationships, weak friendships and the constant feeling of unsettledness.
I often felt like a weakly-built paper airplane: no direction, no control. Whatever I did professionally or emotionally, there was always something missing and that something always kept me back. I was never good enough for my own standards. I was insecure. I was scared; I felt humiliated. It always felt like “these things only happen to me.“ Sounds familiar?! ☺
I saw people taking life into their own hands, and for years I thought I could never do that. I always found excuses for myself and also wrongfully thought the others just got lucky to be in the place where they are. Little did I know about how hard those people work to get where they wanted to be.
About eight months ago everything changed, life took a turn I would never expect. Before that, years in a row I was searching and searching and searching, jumping from depression to burnout then back into loneliness.
Dance with your fears
It took a millisecond for me to get out of that hamster wheel. There was this crazy guy who followed his dreams and said one day: “Don’t fight with your fears, dance with your fears“. He has no idea who am I or how that impacted my life. But that was the phrase that changed my world. I did not realise it at the time, but things started to slowly shift into my mind.
A few months later, beginning of August 2017, I embarked on a beautiful journey. I left behind my very-well-paid job and decided to follow my dreams. It is hard to put down in words all the feelings I am experiencing on a daily basis. It is thrilling, frightful, delightful, uplifting. Everything comes in waves, but there is one constant: the freedom to choose.
The security of a job is now replaced now with the enthusiasm of working for myself. The rush hours and the alarm clocks are now replaced by the comfort of drinking my morning coffee at ease. I have now time to plan and dream, work with myself, become a better version of myself.
Is it milky-way all the way?
Of course not!
Those who tell you differently are selling you empty hopes. Just stop and think for a second: to get on the top of a mountain, is it easy?! Of course not. But once you are there, is it worth it? Of course, it is.
Sometimes I feel lonely or judged.
Sometimes I lose focus. Sometimes I am too impatient with myself.
Sometimes I feel weak and uncomfortable.
Sometimes I have to take decisions that make my heart ache.
The big question is: do you want to get on top? Because to do that you will have to experience all that and much more! Acknowledge the feelings, then find the power to put yourself back together and continue the big journey.
A journey of a thousand miles
One day I woke up and asked myself: do I leave everything to fate or do I design my own life? Am I defined by my properties, my diplomas or my job? None of the above were the answers that suited my heart. So to find the right one, I had to go and search for it.
I was pushed into everything by the wish to be the architect of my own life. I now chose the material of my bricks; I chose the shape of my future, my pace, my place, my season.
I still have many questions and way too many things to learn. I often feel like Alice in Wonderland, but what an amazing feeling to understand the world from another perspective and sometimes just fall into the Rabbit hole.
Today, at 32, I can only be grateful that I started to search a bigger meaning for myself. I am yet far from understanding everything. But “a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”